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Literature Text
Sitting here, alone in the rain
The waters rolling down the glass
A foolish child, I wasn’t built to last
The ending of all of this was preordained
Spirits please...
My hands, they'll begin to shake
Black to red to white back again
Broken animal in an empty den
Snap my bones, rip my skin to end this ache
Spirits please...
There's worlds drifting twixt you and me
Spiraling all around and through
They'll tear from out of me into you
So end it now love and take off, freely
Spirits please...
Literature
plague-bodied
i am a body of rat bones,
a post-panic attack,
(muscle) memory to
fester - the travesty
& specter, spectacle
in gold boots, bloody nose,
cut-throat.
& don't you
dare touch me;
i am eight months into dying.
Literature
moon
two sides to me,
one shining bright,
and one you'll never see.
Literature
inadequacy
Some poets can write about
red velvet rose petals,
Flower crowns and terracotta pots;
Mother nature is their muse and
Oh, how she loves her children.
Some can write about sea salt,
Pink sunsets and sun-baked sand;
Walking on water and drowning in land
and falling in love with sirens.
Some write about stained glass eyes,
gossamer wings on dragonflies;
Candles and faerie lights,
and silence on winter nights.
And maybe I can write,
But I will never write like that.
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Comments6
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I like the first stanza best. It flows, the image is strong and conveys the feeling well. The middle stanza won't quite congeal for me -- I can't seem to link the first two lines and the next two into a whole. The third is whole again, but line three is a little awkward in its phrasing.
The clippy, two-word line ending each stanza already makes an impression by itself, but the repetition renders it quite powerful and gives the poem character. The effect is further enhanced in the first two stanzas by the preceding line being long and flowing smoothly, enhancing the contrast.
I think you and septlaxer are both right; the structure can lend itself to narrative quite well, but a series of related images linked by the common final line is also a good option -- I'm personally probably going to prefer the narrative, but that's my taste rather than anything inherent.
The clippy, two-word line ending each stanza already makes an impression by itself, but the repetition renders it quite powerful and gives the poem character. The effect is further enhanced in the first two stanzas by the preceding line being long and flowing smoothly, enhancing the contrast.
I think you and septlaxer are both right; the structure can lend itself to narrative quite well, but a series of related images linked by the common final line is also a good option -- I'm personally probably going to prefer the narrative, but that's my taste rather than anything inherent.